A few weeks ago, we were driving home from church when wifie took a gander at herself in the mirror.
“Why didn’t you tell me I had mascara on my cheek,” she scolded me. Fiercely, I might add.
Now, the reason I hadn’t told her this was because I hadn’t noticed the minuscule fleck of black on the very edge of her cheek, far from the normal view I have of her whilst driving.
“Umm, I didn’t see it?”
“How did you not see THIS?!??”
“Its really not that noticeable…”
“Not noticeable? Its humiliating!!!!”
I started looking around for a place to hide, but I was unfortunately driving the car on I-275. I needed to weather this storm.
“Umm, look, I’m really sorry. I’ll be sure to tell you next time I see something like that.”
Nothing like appeasing the ladyfriend by admitting to my own incompetence and promising to do better next time – a trick that takes over a decade to learn for most savvy husbands.
Just a few short weeks later, we were driving to church, and my newly aware mascara sensor started pinging. A tiny speck of black darkened that flawless cheek. It was time for my good deed of the day.
I happily delivered the news. “Hey babe… You have a piece of black on your cheek.” What a great husband!
Uh oh. Silence is bad.
Oh no. No. What have I done?
She speaks. “Listen. Do me a favor. When you tell me I have something on my cheek, can you be a bit more… pleasant about it?”
“What do you mean?” Confusion abounds.
“How would you like it if I just blurted out You have a black chunk on your cheek?”
“Umm, well, if I had specially requested that kind of news, then, I’d be fine with the news.”
“Maybe you can try to be a bit more sensitive when you tell me the news then.”
“What, like Baby, there’s a tiny fleck of misplaced mascara on thine cheek?”
“Actually, that would be just fine. Just something that sounds nice. Anything is better than what you said”
“Fine. I’ll deliver the news sweetly next time.”
The lesson? Husband can’t win. Ever. Why try?