Stuff Wifie Says… My wardrobe

The thing about having a conversation with the wifie is that I never quite know which way things are going to turn.  I mean, she’s seems like she’s sweet 100% of the time.  Seems is the key word, because she if she is mad at you, she can administer a tongue lashing the likes of which you’ve never seen – she does this in a super sweet voice, however.  I know the icy grip of fear every time I see her “cold” smile… I am about to be advised of my idiocy in small, simple words that I can understand.  But that is rare.  She actually is sweet the vast majority of the time.

She’s even sweet while she unknowingly insults me.

Yesterday, after a long day, I walked into the bedroom and noticed wifie was laying across the bed looking at her phone while it was plugged into the wall (I’m sure many of you know the position – feet hanging off one side of the bed, arms and head propped up on the other as you attempt to get maximum distance from the charging cord).  I plopped down next to her and we started talking.  With as busy as life gets, this was almost a luxury – actually getting time to chat up your spouse?  While relaxing with no kids bothering us?  It was like we were teenagers again, just shooting the breeze and having a great time.

Suddenly, she dropped some sweetness on me.  “I’m so lucky to have you.”

Aww.  “Why do you say that?” I asked, genuinely interested.

“Because, you put up with everything about me.  All the ups and downs, all the emotions, everything.  I’m just so lucky you deal with me.”

These are the types of compliments I can get used to!

“Well that’s sweet of you, babe.  What made you think of that right now?”

“Just laying here talking with you is so fun.  And it makes me think of all the times you put up with everything else.  I’m just lucky!”

“Well, thank you, babe.”

“I mean, really the only problem with you is half your wardrobe is absolutely awful.  Other than that, its like you’re perfect.”  Delivered with a sweet, honey smile.

“…..wut?”

“You’re perfect!”

“No, what was that about my awful wardrobe?”

“Oh, well you know I hate your clothes.”

True, but… “I thought you said I have been doing better with my choice of outfits?!?!”

“And you HAVE been.  That’s why I only said half of your wardrobe is awful.”

“What exactly have I worn recently that is “AWFUL”?”

“Like your outfit you go to the track in.”  There is steely ice in her eyes now…

“A grey t-shirt and the red shorts YOU BOUGHT ME?”

“THE HOLE-Y GREY SHIRT AND UNMATCHING SHORTS AND NASTY SHOES YOU WEAR WHEN YOU AMBLE AROUND THE TRACK LOOKING LIKE A HOBO!”

“What, do you want me to wear my Sunday finest at the track?”

“No, but plenty of people go to the track and still take the time to make sure they look half decent.  You look homeless!”

“This is UNBELIEVABLE!”

“Why are you so offended,” she asked, honey back in her voice.  “I was complimenting you, and you take the one thing that could possibly be construed as negative and run with it!”

“How would you like it if I told you were perfect except for your hideous clothes?  You wouldn’t take it well, that’s for sure!”

A low chuckle… “Um, you wouldn’t be able to say that to me, because I actually care about my clothes.”

::facepalm::

“Listen, the point is I am lucky to have you!  That’s all I’m trying to say here!”

“Oh, you’ve said enough…”

*****

At least I understand where my daughters get it from… between my fat gut and terrible wardrobe, I’ve had a rough week…

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be out shopping for some new clothing… 

 

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